I want to make it, not fake it!

Debt. The four letter word that we sometimes just think is a natural part of life. A means to an end, a way to acquire things that if we had to pay out right cash we would not be able to afford. Growing up my father did not believe in credit cards and he believed in living well below his means. He paid cash for everything and we lived in a small two bedroom apartment, 7 of us plus my niece when she was born. Our rent was well below the market rate. He usually purchased used cars. He went to work everyday, then would work on cars after that. Always working, always saving, and always living well below his means.

I had a happy childhood and didn't feel like I missed out on much. I had food, clothes, and most importantly love. I was a little embarrassed one time when a girl from the neighborhood asked me where was my bedroom. I think I told her it's back there pointing to the rear of our apartment. What I was really thinking is, girl you are sitting on it. My two older sisters had the bedroom in the rear of our apartment and the three youngest of us slept on the convertible bed that we called the "let out couch" which was in the living room, just like Micheal and JJ (Good Times). I actually remember graduating from the crib to the let out couch.  Privacy was basically out the window. We would draw an imaginary line between each other and say don't come across this line. Just a way of having our own space. We moved to the bedroom when my older sisters became old enough to move out. Yes some of my clothes came from the second hand store (thrift store), but some of them were my favorite. Like the blue jean dress with crayon box patched pocket or the sweater with the pockets in shape of hand that my little fingers fit perfectly into.

My father was sacrificing for his dream of returning to Mississippi, his birth place, after retiring. See my father retired at the age of 50 a little over 10 years older than I am right now. Wow, it feels strange saying that. He also had close to 30 years of service with his employer. He had a thought in his mind and he didn't let anything deter him from it. He was consistent. Work, save, lived below his means. So at 50 my dad retires, he moves to Mississippi, he finally buys a house that he pays for in cash. He is still totally out of debt.

Then I look at my life in comparison. I started off trying to model my life after my dad. If I charged a credit card then I would pay it off when the bill came. I was saving well. Then I got married, took some investment risks, got a house and then I got a divorce. Then I froze. I was scared to make a move. I stopped paying my bills because of fear that if something went wrong I would not have the money to get out of it. It makes no logical sense now, but I admit that I was not in my right mind. I had this investment property that was not a good investment and to be honest I did not know what the heck I was doing. My parents never even knew I had that building. It felt like I was sinking, so I filed bankruptcy. Yes, that alleviate the debt but my mind set didn't completely change. I was still used to living with two incomes, so I still used credit cards to supplement my life style. Not that I was living lavish, but at the time I would rather use the credit card than to go without things that I thought I needed or sometime I actually did need.

About two years ago I stumbled across Dave Ramsey and read his book and began the process to become debt free by paying off car note, credit cards etc. I started off good, but would get off track sometimes. I found this awesome spreadsheet online to plan for paying off my debt. This year one of my goals was to become more focused on eliminating debt, tighten up on my budget and stick to it closer. This time I actually prayed about it and allowed God to lead me. The first thing to tackle was my car because it would have the greatest affect on my cash flow and would create a bigger affect in being able to pay off other bills. I began making double payments on my car note each month and I paid it off eight months earlier and was able to pay off some doctors bills too since I was so far ahead on my car note.

A speaker, Gary Keesee, came to a business conference at my church and he spoke of a paying off all debt including your mortgage payment. Now I admit I had been only focusing on the credit card  and car note and was content on just having that paid by the end of year, but this speaker got me curious about paying off this house. I have sat through several presentations about paying off your mortgage early but that involves acquiring more debt to do so with a line of credit and paying them 5k to walk you through the process. I had considered it and to be honest I was turned down for it about two years ago. I was thinking of trying it again since the bankruptcy is no longer on my credit. I got Gary Keesee's book, "The financial revolution" speakers book and let his company do a free analysis.  According to the plan provided. I could be totally out of debt in 6.8 years and save 100K in interest.

I should have been excited, right? Totally out of debt in less that 7 years.  Their spreadsheet was similar to the one I had, so I put the mortgage on my spreadsheet.  Don't know why I never thought to do that before, but it gave me the same results give or take a few months.  I became sick. Why? Because I am already making sacrifices now and that would mean 7 more years of sacrifice. I had a heaviness on me for about two day.  After I got over the shock I reasoned with myself I began to see the positive side.

 I always told people I wanted to be retired at 50. When the retirement planning people would come to my job, I would tell them just that. I would say if my father retired at 50 I should be able to retire at least at 50 too.  My vision for retirement is different from my fathers vision. My vision is retiring from working for anyone else and becoming my own boss, doing what brings me joy and investing in my community and people. Now I have to decide how bad do I want it.  When I think about it, I spoke my future into existence. Now I see it could be my reality.  If I  stick to the plan, I see my whole future shifting. I could be totally debt free by 46. When I visualize it, I feel the burden lifted. Sure I want to take a vacation and I like new clothes just as much as anyone else, but sometime I have used those things just to look good on the outside, but still fill overwhelmed by my reality.

If my father did not stick to his plan he may not have been able to fully enjoy his retirement as he has with hunting deer and coon, checking traps, gardening and helping people in the neighborhood.   So instead of thinking about the sacrifices I may have to make for a few years, because you know I am thinking of a way to shorten those 6.8 years, I am thinking of the freedom I will have in the future, the ability to travel, the ability to invest, the ability to decide what I want to do for the next part of my life based off my heart and not my financial needs.  I did give myself a little more breathing room in my budget, so I wouldn't feel so confined. I know things may not go perfectly according to plan, but at least I feel I am going into the right direction for me.  I totally understand about leveraging credit. I have set in on those workshops too, but eliminating the debt, actively saving/investing, and living within my means makes me feel closer to being a more authentic me.