I'll Always Love My Mama...

My mom was not only my mother, but she was also my friend. Well, it felt like it anyway. One time when I was around 12 in the middle of a conversation I called her girl. She replied, "I don't know how big the girls grow where you come from". I instantly knew what she meant. I thought to myself, I know I have called this woman a girl before. I guess that was just not the day. When people ask who made the biggest impact on my life I always say my parents because they laid the foundation for everything else to build upon. In honor of my mother, I am going to share some of the important life lessons I learned and some of her sayings that stick with me this day.

1. Don't steal no matter how small it may seem- My oldest sister had a candy jar in her room and I went in there and got some candy. I was about 5 or 6 years old. My mother said what are you eating and I replied some candy and told her that I stole from my sister's candy jar. I was joking about the stealing part, but I didn't really ask anyone if I could have it either. She said "You stole it? Do you think that's cute? You are proud of that? You don't steal! You will go to jail!" She told me that when she was a little girl in Mississippi she took a pen from the post office and her mother or it may have been grandmother found out and made her go back to the post office and return the pen. She was thinking it's just a pen like I thought it was just a piece of candy. Lesson learned!

2. Help people and be giving- My mother always would give the clothes that we outgrew to other families in our neighborhood. One day I had on an outfit and a younger girl in the neighborhood told me I'm going to have that outfit when your mother gives it to us. I didn't even respond because I had sense enough not to and she was possibly right.

3. Be kind to all people- My mother would make conversation with complete strangers all the time. I remember thinking would she just come on and let's go. She would always check on elderly people or just be friends with them. Even after my dad retired and they moved to Mississippi, they would take elderly people to their doctor's appointments. We grew up next to a church and people would come to our house after service. One lady would come about every Sunday. Notice I didn't say we went to church, but we were the church after spot. My mother would listen and treat everyone like they deserved to be listened to. My mom would even say speak to the guys that hung out on the corner. She made sure to include speak, but keep walking. 

4. If your hair does not look good you do not look good - My mom had some saying that I admit drove me crazy at the time, but I got the point. My mother felt that hair pulls the look together. So if you have a nice outfit on and your hair is not together, baby you are not together. On my last visit to see her, I helped her put some color in her hair. She had gone back to natural hair. Her hair was so soft and I thought mine would be the same when I went natural. I was wrong. I must have hair like Buck (my dad). 

5. Don't be afraid of doing more than another person - I did not like this saying and I admit that we would laugh about it, me and my sisters. When it came to doing chores if we complained she would say "you all are scared that one is going to do more than the other". It did not make sense to us, but we would just let it ride. Just know that when she asked you to do something, do it without complaint or she was going to say it. We would say wouldn't we be scared of someone doing less than us, which I guess is technically the same thing. I don't know, but we usually just acted as we understood out of fear of a pop on the back of the neck.

6. If I don't cook I don't eat- She said this all...the...time. Although this sounds deep, she meant it in the most literal sense. She was really, not low-key, complaining about having to cook all the time. I find myself saying it too like I have any other options. 

7. If the Lord says the same - This statement would go like this. What are you going to do tomorrow? Her reply would be, "If the Lord says the same I am going to get up and go to the grocery store". So basically what is the will of the Lord is how her day will be directed. I liked this one.

8. Be good at what you do - my mother never worked outside of the home after she found out she was pregnant with me is the story I was told. She was a homemaker and a great one I might add. I stayed at home with my mom until age five before going to school and I saw her up working every day. Cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, paying bills and taking care of me. Dinner was done when we got home from school. I didn't know what a snack to hold me over to dinner was. I ate when I walked in the door. She raised us to be independent and to have our own.  She raised us to be individuals and not follow the crowd. She had the most important job one can have...being a mother.

9. The most important thing I learned from my mother was love.  When I would talk to my mother on the phone she would always tell me she loved me at the end no matter how the conversation went. While I was in high school she would say it before I went out the door every morning. I shared that with someone one time and she asked me why would I tell someone that. I said because you do. I thought it was the norm. 

That is what I miss the most. Sure other people can say that they love me, but with her, I knew that it was pure and no other motives were behind it.  She loved me unconditionally, and I may have taken that for granted while I was young, but as I grew older I learned that not everyone receives that type of love from their parents or have it expressed verbally to them. Our last conversation was one of the best conversations I had with her in a long time. It was filled with love and peace. It was easy and wasn't even long. I remember thinking when I got off the phone, that felt good. I expressed thoughts that had been going through my mind and she just listened. She didn't try to offer any advice and as usual, we ended with saying I love you. 

I miss my mom and I think of her every single day.  I may not usually make a post on social media about her, but that is just out of love for my sisters.  Everyone does not deal with things the same way and I try to respect that.  I hope those that read this find joy in the memories and legacy she left with us.  I will always love my mother, Velma Sims.

What are some of the lessons you learned from your mom? Does she have any sayings that stick with you to this day? Please feel free to share in the comments. ❤