The holiday season is in full swing. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. A time filled with joy and time with family and friends; however, for many people, including myself, the holiday season has not always been that great. Over the years I have had to really put forth the effort to find the joy in it. At first, I felt alone in this experience, but as Thanksgiving began to approach I started seeing more people post online about the not so cheerful side of the holiday season.
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Last year I didn't experience anxiety during the holiday season. It always takes me a minute for me to adjust to daylight saving time ending, but other than that I was good. This year as soon as the end of daylight saving time was approaching, I began having feelings of anxiety again. It took me unaware once again. I attributed it to a disagreement that I was having with someone, but after reflecting I realized that it was also the anniversary of my mother's passing.
I'm sure there are levels to anxiety, but for me, it feels like my heart and mind are moving faster than my body and I can't catch up. At this point, I realized that past pain was affecting my present life. I decided to make a list of every single painful thing that I could remember that occurred throughout my life in the last quarter of the year. I was surprised at the number of significant events that had occurred, from the death of my maternal grandmother, the sudden death of a coworker/friend, to the ending of a couple of relationships/friendships. I prayed about the list and asked God to heal me from all things known and unknown that were having an effect on me having peace and joy in life.
I went to praise and worship service at my church that following night and I was determined to find my peace and joy. Praise and worship went forth and I felt lighter in my spirit. I said to myself well that's it, I should be ok now. The service was ending and the leader stated that while praise and worship were going forth she heard the Spirit of the Lord say that people needed healing from emotional pain and to come to the altar. Although I did already feel better, I still went up for prayer. Since then the anxiety has subsided.
There are a few things that I learned throughout this ordeal that I wanted to share:
1) Self-awareness and reflection were very important for me to recognize what was going on. I don't think internal issues can be resolved without getting to the root cause. I had to first acknowledge what I was feeling and the effect it was having on my body and my mind.
2) My concerns are also on the mind of God. The call for prayer at the praise and worship service addressed the exact issue concerning me and the reason I went. I felt it was God's way of saying that he heard my prayers.
3) It was helpful for me to talk about what I was feeling and not hold in it. I told some family members and a friend that I was feeling anxiety and what I thought the cause of it was. That gave me some sense of control and relief from the situation. I even had a good cry one day, which released all of the emotions that I was trying to hold inside. I began to see posts on Facebook about seasonal depression, holiday blues, and people experiencing the holidays after the loss of a loved one. I realized I was not alone with these feelings.
1) Self-awareness and reflection were very important for me to recognize what was going on. I don't think internal issues can be resolved without getting to the root cause. I had to first acknowledge what I was feeling and the effect it was having on my body and my mind.
2) My concerns are also on the mind of God. The call for prayer at the praise and worship service addressed the exact issue concerning me and the reason I went. I felt it was God's way of saying that he heard my prayers.
3) It was helpful for me to talk about what I was feeling and not hold in it. I told some family members and a friend that I was feeling anxiety and what I thought the cause of it was. That gave me some sense of control and relief from the situation. I even had a good cry one day, which released all of the emotions that I was trying to hold inside. I began to see posts on Facebook about seasonal depression, holiday blues, and people experiencing the holidays after the loss of a loved one. I realized I was not alone with these feelings.
In my blog I try to talk about my experience and not give advice; however, I understand some people may be dealing with more extreme situations and other help may be needed. Talk to someone, seek counseling, maybe a therapist or spiritual counseling. I listen to self-help podcasts such as Therapy for Black Girls, which covers an array of topics and even discusses what to expect if you decide to go to see a therapist. The most important thing to do is to get help if you need it.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 New King James Version (NKJV)
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